1. Too often it leads to relationships of suffering or a source of disappointment because anyone can be chosen to fill a void. The attention initially received is seen as love and the relationship begins until unresolved personality traits bounce back. We all do our best in this situation until we understand how these mechanisms work and from there a fully fulfilling relationship can be born.
2. At the beginning of the meeting, you could ask these 5 questions to the person and even to yourself:
- How are his relations with his parents?
If the person loves their parents, then all is well. She can see that they did their best anyway. If she hates them, judges them, criticizes them: it smacks of emotional dependence even if we know that it was not easy for so many people. The past is over, happiness awaits!
- What does she think of her relationship with her exes?
If she says to you: “They are all this” or “all of that”, she poses as a victim and attracts people in addiction because that is what she carries within her: save yourself! If she tells you, it wasn’t always easy but I learned and thank them, you have a responsible person to see her own adjustments that needed to be made. If she replies that she has suffered a lot but that she read and did some coaching to understand why her relationships were not working and that she fixed it, then it’s good!
- His vision of the couple
If it’s the same as yours, be sweetness, joy, happiness, depth in communication, no wars of points of view, all is well. If she says, “It’s good in the long run for me to just see each other once in a while” or if you feel aggressive, in control, that might not be what you want. Humbly ask yourself, what is your real personality too… Do you need to be directed, to be in control to feel that you exist… that is not loved. A true love relationship in my opinion is sweet, joyful, fluid, tender, evolving, harmonious. In any case, that’s what my partner and I are going through and our meeting was one day the culmination of the understandings mentioned above and that we had made on both sides. If you are alone or unhappy, be hopeful.
- Where does the person see themselves in 5 years compared to their life and their relationship?
If she sees herself on a beautiful sailboat, alone, in the southern seas or on a desert plateau raising goats, alone too, you are not part of the scenery nor of her future! But if she wants to work with her or her life partner just like you, that she likes to create the pure joy of living, that she wants a gentle person, conscientious, dynamic, that she seems to share the same values and Demonstrates it in action, not just in words, it’s inspiring. Listen to your feelings. As we say, we recognize a tree by its fruits. What surrounds this person just like you?
- What are his regrets?
If she regrets having divorced for so many years, you are going to be a threesome! If she regrets not having studied or this or that, she is probably living in the past too often. It depends on obsolete things and does not create in the present. All this is unconscious for the majority of people because many do not know the mechanisms of thought and behaviour. But if she is happily evolving and showing new understandings, that you perceive that she feels humbly taken to another stage, to something deeper, mature or playful, that’s all good. Ask yourself if your journey is in this direction too.
Couples can function without such depth, but is it really daily sweet happiness that is both restful and reassuring?
Are there sporadic wars of points of view, antitheses in fields of interest, one is not interested in what the other is passionate about; would only be to discuss it from time to time and to perceive what really makes the other vibrate? Two solitudes together are no better.
Yes, emotional pain hurts, but staying in it doesn’t bring happiness. It is important to speak, to see in yourself what brought about this experience, to get help if necessary and to give yourself the right that for the moment it could hurt if it is the case but be careful to put the blame on who whether including oneself. We gain by finding solutions to do better instead of making the injury bigger with limiting thoughts.
3. Affective difficulties are like an addiction. Nothing can change until the fact of having a recurring difficulty that comes from oneself is not admitted and concrete actions are not put in the foreground. We are the common denominator of what we experience. No one to blame, just programming to change in itself. It is unfortunate but it is so.
4. Many also say they need someone who makes them vibrate… Okay, but do they themselves vibrate in the light of what they want? We attract what is happening at the bottom of our unconscious.
5. Specify in detail what you want in a life partner.
Here are examples of possible and favourable attitudes to visualize or value. Do you want your life partner to be (and are you, yourself)?